Well, that was silly, wasn’t it?
The last blog, I mean. The pants one.
I like silly. Nothing wrong with silly. People take things too seriously, I think. I’m thinking of writing a book, ‘The Lighter Side of Terminal Disease”.
That’s a joke. This whole thing is a joke, come to think of it.
Humor is the best medicine, just ahead of heroin.
I hate writing about my illness. And yet I’m compelled to bare my soul, as it helps me come to terms with the mess my life has become.
I know someone in my situation is supposed to make a list of all the things I want to do before I go. I don’t like the term ‘bucket list’, because I can’t help but think of different kinds of buckets (y’know, metal, wood, plastic, goals in basketball), and that’s a little too easy of a joke - even for me
i feel like a million buckets
But I am thinking of things I’ve never done that I’ll probably never get to do. Would my life have been fuller had I experienced some of these things? Probably not. But I’ll always wonder.
Laughed all the way to the bank.
Sure, I’ve laughed part of the way to the bank (who hasn’t?), but I’ve never had anything that might’ve caused me to laugh all the way, like money I could deposit.
Been hoist on my own petard.
I may have actually experienced this one, but to the best of my recollection, I never even had a petard (are you allowed to say that word anymore?)
Had my clock cleaned.
I know it’s been a few minutes off of late, but where does one go to have their clock cleaned? Someone told me a car dealership will do it.
Been a monkey’s uncle.
It seems like it’s not really something one can do, but more like something that just happens to you. It’s always in the future tense, never ‘I am a monkey’s uncle’. Maybe no one ever actually becomes one, but simply expresses their concern that they may. And, in this new era of equality, where are the monkey’s aunts? Hey hey!
Killed a man just to watch him die.
Usually I have more complex reasons.
Almost had it all.
I’ve had a lot of it, but never all, or even almost all. Honestly, I don’t think I’d want to have it all. I have a hard enough time with some.
Gotten somewhere.
A lot of people told me, when I was younger (so much younger than today) that I’d never get anywhere. I proved them wrong by being anywhere I found myself to be. But somewhere has been elusive. A few times it’s seemed I was getting somewhere, but I never got. Somewhere seems to always be moving somewhere else. Of course, I might’ve been somewhere at some point and just not known it.
Blamed it on the bossa nova.
I’ve laid blame many times though the years. I’ve even blamed other popular dances…I’ve blamed it on the boogaloo, the funky broadway, the macarena, the mashed potato, even the hokey pokey. But somehow I never felt the bossa nova was involved in any of my failures.
Taken the fork in the road.
Yogi advised ‘when you see a fork in the road, take it’. But a little later, Yankee teammate and fellow catcher Elston Howard took me aside and suggested I avoid any and all roadside utensils. That hit home, for me.
Drunk from the silver cup.
The band America told us ‘don’t give up until you drink from the silver cup’ in their song ‘Lonely People’. I based my life on this lyric, only to find out that almost everything America ever sang was complete gibberish. So I gave up.
I’m sure there’s more stuff I never got around to, like having a hit song, or pitching in the majors, but I can’t complain. And that’s another thing I didn’t do, because I can’t.
Maybe I’ll get around to some of these things some day. But I’m more interested in the real things in life, like getting a royal flush on a poker machine, or seeing a full eclipse of the sun on tv. Maybe someday…
I strongly suggest you take a look (or another look) at episode one of the TV version of Band Boy. At a mere 23 minutes, it’s perfect for your crowded modern lifestyle, filled with binge watching … other TV series’. Episodes 2 and 3 are also available on youtube. Of course, the full movie is still up, for a while anyway. But the TV version has been re-edited, not only for ‘tightness’, but also better sound and picture. Episode 1 is currently being screened in the Austin Lift-off Film Festival during the month of April. Clearly, it’s just a small step now from a deal with Netflix, so check it out now for free.
Force yourself. For me. :)
I think you must have taken it "to the limit" a time or two. Maybe that's enough..
I am relieved indeed to hear that you never killed a man to watch him die (though I'm still awaiting confirmation by the authorities in Reno). Great to hear that Band Boy is play at the Austin Lift-Off festival